Over the Moon on Marriage

Well, think of marriage now. Younger than you                                                    Here in Verona ladies…are made already mothers.

Lady Capulet to 13-year-old Juliet, ca 1597

 In his best imitation of Danny Ocean’s “I know a guy”, Missouri’s Rep Mike Moon said I know a guy (and a girl) married at 12 and—"are still married”. We at TGBL are happy to learn his Romeo and Juliet tweeners still, as 1776’s John Adams deftly put it, “romp in Cupid’s grove together,”

 Pre-pubescent brides have no greater advocate than he. Hope springs eternal for every 5th and 6th grader with a crush on a classmate—or a friend’s older sibling. Unrequited love no longer need wait for mental and physical development, sexual maturity, emotional growth. Just ask mommy if you can marry Johnny after you have your braces removed next week. If the answer’s no, you only have to wait until you are 15, as Moon voted against raising the age of wedded bliss to 16. Or, get pregnant at 12, and then you and the folks can gleefully decide whom to invite to the nuptials.

The 16th Century mindset of Moon rests his argument on good ol’ American family values. The parents and the children have the right to decide what’s best for them. Keep government out of the equation. This rule, Moon’s Law so named by TGBL, only applies to family marriage talk, especially for girls still holding their Barbie dolls and boys gripping their GI Joes. But if you are a trans kid, no family heart-to-heart talk of what’s best for the child’s health will determine your medical options. Family-doctor talk out, government in! Moon voted against transgender health care, mom and dad be damned. When it comes to children, American values will go just so far before the state tells you what you can’t do to protect your youngsters.

We won’t even grace his comments with an explanation of all things wrong with Moon’s perspective. If you can’t think of at least five on your own, you need to think.

Moon later clarified his statement saying he does not support adults marrying children (how deep the mouth, how long the foot goeth in). MSNBC quotes Moon: “That’s preposterous to even think that I do”.     Almost as preposterous as supporting parenthood and matrimony for kids just out of the single digit age bracket.

For believing the unbelievable and defending the indefensible, we award two stingers, representing not only lunatic Moon’s double-sided hypocrisy, but his favorite age for marriage--11.